Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
