I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
