My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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