tonight lets celebrate not being married
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
