So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
