So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
