It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Alive.
So much puke
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
