I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
