i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
