I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
