Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job

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(949): View more from California

okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?

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(989): View more from Michigan

dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away

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(248): View more from Michigan

So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Now back to adults eating hotdogs.

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(512): View more from Texas

My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"

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(864): View more from South Carolina

If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

She did what?

(1-902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Who. The correct term is she did who.

(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.

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