the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
