I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
