What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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