He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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