Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I smell like Dick and happiness
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
