Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
