yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
