So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
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If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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