..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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