Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
