Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He passed out mid-signature
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
