I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
