The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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