you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
