Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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