This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize