Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
