Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
someone owes me an orgasm
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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