girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
