I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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