Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
