And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
