I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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