I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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