ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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