so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
