I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
