I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
