the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
