What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
