if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
