Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
