My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
did i walk over a car last night?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Randomize
