it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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