I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
