its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
