watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
