she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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