you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize