I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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