I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
