Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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