I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
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She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
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That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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