Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
