Im at strip club and am horny
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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