I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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