dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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