did you get engaged???
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
