Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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