he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
