just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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