My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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