And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
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