with your own penis?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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