He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
How's work?
Spinning.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
