I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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