Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
