he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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