eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We're too hungover to prance.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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