I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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